Fear underlies this decision to stand strong, to be different, to hold yourself up for inspection as opposed to blending in to the group. It is scary to have to defend your choices sometimes. Or is it that we’re not used to doing it and that with regular practice, the joy of being authentic and choosing to do something different than the group could feel more like pride and strength?

This choice lives in our day to day lives - from the banal to the extreme. How we represent ourselves through mannerisms and style. But even more relevant - the increasing push to be on the extremes (whether right or left - if those are even the correct terms anymore) as opposed to being nuanced, informed, interested in segments of all, living in the gray.

There are purported maxims on the the “best ways” to live your life - professionally, personally, in relationships, through parenting. Work harder than anyone else - even to burnout. Sell your soul to the company if they pay you enough. Be it all - the best parent/spouse/child. Essentially, fill everyone’s cup but your own. Why? And for what? Is there pride in doing too much because that is what is expected?

The world around us is changing. No longer are people rewarded for their enduring loyalty to one company, one political philosophy, one parenting style. It feels increasingly out of touch to stay focused on one lane. The future is a life full of collected experiences - hopefully ones that are of your choosing and not those that are in alignment with others’ expectations of you. Curiosity is what keeps us connected to possibility. Without it, we stop learning — and when we stop learning, we stop growing.

Leading is not always about being followed. Sometimes it’s about modeling what it looks like to think independently — to show others that clarity and courage can coexist with empathy. Every time we question “why” we’re doing something just because others are, we practice reinvention. We practice seeing ourselves again — not as others expect us to be, but as we might become. Growth isn’t in the perfection of being right — it’s in the willingness to keep questioning, to stay curious even when the world demands certainty.

We are increasingly living in a world where people live in their own echochamber, get their news and politics from a curated to their viewpoint source, and standing out feels like you are setting yourself up for attack. It doesn’t have to be this way. We can support each other to have viewpoints, ideas, goals, strategy, wants, needs that are different from the group. In fact, I think we increasingly need block out the noise and choose to do so. The simple act of being unique is what’s beautiful.

Maybe it’s time we stop glorifying sameness and start celebrating discernment. The courage to think differently — to question, to pause, to choose for yourself — might be one of the most radical acts left. Reinvention doesn’t always come in grand gestures; sometimes it’s the quiet decision to say, “That’s not me.”

The more I watch my kids, and the world they’re inheriting (as well as creating the kind of world I want to live in now!), the more I’m convinced: the goal isn’t to fit in, it’s to stay awake. To keep noticing when you’ve fallen into patterns that no longer serve you. To remember that growth lives in the in-between — in curiosity, discomfort, and the willingness to evolve in public.

The mental load of the lead parent has been written about widely. See Fair Play, The Company of Dads, etc. This truly seems to be a more modern concept. At least current researchers and writers are talking about it more comfortably and making the load visible. But the parenting load was always there. The juggling, the planning, the keeping track of it all, the last minute stuff, the stuff we forgot, the stuff we were supposed to do. It seems endless. But summer is the zenith. It is a vast empty expanse that needs to be filled, occupied, scheduled, structured. Or so we are told.

Those that argue for more boredom, less screen time (Jonathan Haidt), finding time to play and let your mind wander - I can appreciate this approach and methodology. I also think it is gaining traction across the parents who have hit the breaking point of finding themselves responsible for the curation and activation of their children’s every waking minute (in addition to all of the adult responsibilities that come with life). I’m warming to the idea that independent, capable children can truly be responsible for planning their own time, and depending on their age, carry out their own activities. What’s the worst that could happen? They make the wrong choice, they fail, they find they don’t like something?

But that’s exactly it. I think the era of overscheduling and parental load sits right there - it then becomes the parents’ problem to help the child solve when they have made a decision that didn’t work out well. Who decided that? Did we as parents set up paradigm that says, “come to me, and I’ll figure out your solution for you?” I wonder if we simply said, “sounds like you didn’t like that. That’s good to know.” Or an even better upgrade: “think a little about the choice you made. Would you make that choice again, based upon what you know now?” I personally feel like trying this offers me a way to exhale - let my shoulders down, and feel like we are all in it together.

Don’t get me wrong. You can’t do this all day, every day, for 8-10 weeks at a time. You’ll drive yourself crazy. But I do think the kids can be a part of the planning of the time, the budgeting of the costs, the researching of available programs, etc. And going into summer with a mindset that there will be unstructured time where you have to fend for yourself. That’s real learning, and to be honest, it is interning in adulting, even at a very young age. These are valuable lessons for your children to learn. That should buoy my fellow parents - look at how well you are preparing them for a future that can and will be uncertain. These will then be kids that will not only survive, but thrive.

This will feel like being a maverick parent. I encourage you to embrace it - not only for your own sanity and mental well-being, but also for the kids who are learning and growing instead of being funneled into a path that doesn’t allow for either of those.

Let’s keep talking. I want you to know there’s support for you to explore new options.