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The age of deskilling

The job market is hell

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However, it was the board member that stopped me in my tracks. She described (mostly, sadly) female friends who were self-proclaimed “bored” and wanting to find something to do with their time. “Just go get a job..I tell them,” she said dismissively, with a shrug of her shoulders and a wave of her hand. “This isn’t that hard,” she stated. “Figure out what you want to do with yourself, and just do it.”

What?! Does she not know what it is like out there?

I could not believe the cavalier attitude, the almost “let them eat cake” approach. The federal government is going on almost a month of being shut down, senior executives are getting reduced from both technology companies and nonprofits, graduating college students are not able to find a job due to AI automating what is left of the old jobs that they used to be funneled into, and people are having a hard time paying their bills. LinkedIn is littered with jobseekers telling their stories about being ghosted in interviews and never landing that next job. People are worried and scared and looking for a way to improve their lot in life. They wish they could “just go get a job.”

“It is actually harder out there than you think, “ I said to her, and she looked at me blankly. “People can’t just go out and get a job. They are trying. The old ways of finding a job aren’t working, AI is making it harder to connect with actual humans, and anyone who isn’t generation Alpha needs training and experience on how to reinvent themselves in the new world working order.” She looked at me like I was from another planet. And then I saw any desire to understand dim from her face, and she turned to the woman sitting next to her and began a new thread of conversation. Conversation over. Ghosted in real time.

I was frustrated. Here was my moment to help people understand. To teach, to support, the have them provide counsel, to provide perspective. But for many, I think, this is too real, it feels too overwhelming, they don’t understand all the moving pieces, and they don’t want to tackle the enormous obstacles in their way to help kickstart change. Or, they are so removed from the problem that they are disinterested and incurious about the struggles that others are experiencing. It was truly a raw and heartbreaking moment of what is reality in our lives now.

I want more for us. I want jobs to be plentiful and the economy to be strong. I want people to find their way to understanding how to get skills if they want (or need) to pivot and reinvent. I want those that have to help those that do not have.

So I decided, walking to my car after that event, that this would be the platform by which I will start to do this. I will use LeadReinventGrow as a place to synthesize and share resources, offer community options to collaborate with each other, educate on the current state of leadership and the workplace, and inspire you to be equipped to “just go get a job” with a clear path to doing so.

Tell me what else you need, and we will make it happen.

#wecandohardthings #youarenotalone

Fear underlies this decision to stand strong, to be different, to hold yourself up for inspection as opposed to blending in to the group. It is scary to have to defend your choices sometimes. Or is it that we’re not used to doing it and that with regular practice, the joy of being authentic and choosing to do something different than the group could feel more like pride and strength?

This choice lives in our day to day lives - from the banal to the extreme. How we represent ourselves through mannerisms and style. But even more relevant - the increasing push to be on the extremes (whether right or left - if those are even the correct terms anymore) as opposed to being nuanced, informed, interested in segments of all, living in the gray.

There are purported maxims on the the “best ways” to live your life - professionally, personally, in relationships, through parenting. Work harder than anyone else - even to burnout. Sell your soul to the company if they pay you enough. Be it all - the best parent/spouse/child. Essentially, fill everyone’s cup but your own. Why? And for what? Is there pride in doing too much because that is what is expected?

The world around us is changing. No longer are people rewarded for their enduring loyalty to one company, one political philosophy, one parenting style. It feels increasingly out of touch to stay focused on one lane. The future is a life full of collected experiences - hopefully ones that are of your choosing and not those that are in alignment with others’ expectations of you. Curiosity is what keeps us connected to possibility. Without it, we stop learning — and when we stop learning, we stop growing.

Leading is not always about being followed. Sometimes it’s about modeling what it looks like to think independently — to show others that clarity and courage can coexist with empathy. Every time we question “why” we’re doing something just because others are, we practice reinvention. We practice seeing ourselves again — not as others expect us to be, but as we might become. Growth isn’t in the perfection of being right — it’s in the willingness to keep questioning, to stay curious even when the world demands certainty.

We are increasingly living in a world where people live in their own echochamber, get their news and politics from a curated to their viewpoint source, and standing out feels like you are setting yourself up for attack. It doesn’t have to be this way. We can support each other to have viewpoints, ideas, goals, strategy, wants, needs that are different from the group. In fact, I think we increasingly need block out the noise and choose to do so. The simple act of being unique is what’s beautiful.

Maybe it’s time we stop glorifying sameness and start celebrating discernment. The courage to think differently — to question, to pause, to choose for yourself — might be one of the most radical acts left. Reinvention doesn’t always come in grand gestures; sometimes it’s the quiet decision to say, “That’s not me.”

The more I watch my kids, and the world they’re inheriting (as well as creating the kind of world I want to live in now!), the more I’m convinced: the goal isn’t to fit in, it’s to stay awake. To keep noticing when you’ve fallen into patterns that no longer serve you. To remember that growth lives in the in-between — in curiosity, discomfort, and the willingness to evolve in public.

This is a conversation space exclusively for subscribers—kind of like a group chat or live hangout. I’ll post questions and updates that come my way, and you can jump into the discussion.

Our first topic is focused on GenX, but I want to know what other topics you’d like to discuss. Message me directly with ideas, and we’re on it. We can’t wait to have you join us.

Shane

LeadReinventGrow

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Now add in social media and its curated algorithms. There’s essentially a commentary on everything from where and how you live, where and how you socialize, how you work, how you parent, how you dress, how you engage spiritually, how you can improve your friendships, partnerships, marriage, what’s wrong or right with your politics. Again, over. whelm.ing. Imagine a leaky boat- all of these expectations are the metaphorical areas where water seeps in. All you are doing is running around trying to stop the damage. You are exhausted immediately.

I think it is apparent when you are living inauthentically. You come across as defensive, as a know-it-all, as brittle, as tighly-wound, as uncomfortable. There’s an excuse for everyhing. And deep inside, you know that you are living inauthentically. You won’t acknowledge it easily because it takes work and struggle to unwind all the packaging you have built to appear in a certain way. There’s fear that “coming clean” will cause a whole house of cards to come down. This is a scary place to be, particularly since you don’t know what comes next.

I say it is time for us to say enough. Enough with representing yourself the way you think the world expects you to show up. Allow yourself to acknowlege the exhaustion and utter discomfort that is wearing a personality or a career or a relationship that isn’t really what you want. Give a gift to yourself - be courageous. Try stepping out and figuring out the YOU. Who are you? What do you want? What feels effortless and like you could do it forever? What feels like absolute drudgery and torture and you wish to never, ever experience it again?

There’s a social media/AI undercurrent driving us to liken ourselves to others or find online communities that reflect back our perceived values as opposed to pushing us out of our comfort zones and asking us to reflect, redesign, realign. Be true to you. I encourage you to set the phone down, go for a walk, think deeply and introspectively, and ask yourself the hard questions.

I’m doing this work. I welcome you to join me. Let’s come out of our shell or turn towards the light together.

The mental load of the lead parent has been written about widely. See Fair Play, The Company of Dads, etc. This truly seems to be a more modern concept. At least current researchers and writers are talking about it more comfortably and making the load visible. But the parenting load was always there. The juggling, the planning, the keeping track of it all, the last minute stuff, the stuff we forgot, the stuff we were supposed to do. It seems endless. But summer is the zenith. It is a vast empty expanse that needs to be filled, occupied, scheduled, structured. Or so we are told.

Those that argue for more boredom, less screen time (Jonathan Haidt), finding time to play and let your mind wander - I can appreciate this approach and methodology. I also think it is gaining traction across the parents who have hit the breaking point of finding themselves responsible for the curation and activation of their children’s every waking minute (in addition to all of the adult responsibilities that come with life). I’m warming to the idea that independent, capable children can truly be responsible for planning their own time, and depending on their age, carry out their own activities. What’s the worst that could happen? They make the wrong choice, they fail, they find they don’t like something?

But that’s exactly it. I think the era of overscheduling and parental load sits right there - it then becomes the parents’ problem to help the child solve when they have made a decision that didn’t work out well. Who decided that? Did we as parents set up paradigm that says, “come to me, and I’ll figure out your solution for you?” I wonder if we simply said, “sounds like you didn’t like that. That’s good to know.” Or an even better upgrade: “think a little about the choice you made. Would you make that choice again, based upon what you know now?” I personally feel like trying this offers me a way to exhale - let my shoulders down, and feel like we are all in it together.

Don’t get me wrong. You can’t do this all day, every day, for 8-10 weeks at a time. You’ll drive yourself crazy. But I do think the kids can be a part of the planning of the time, the budgeting of the costs, the researching of available programs, etc. And going into summer with a mindset that there will be unstructured time where you have to fend for yourself. That’s real learning, and to be honest, it is interning in adulting, even at a very young age. These are valuable lessons for your children to learn. That should buoy my fellow parents - look at how well you are preparing them for a future that can and will be uncertain. These will then be kids that will not only survive, but thrive.

This will feel like being a maverick parent. I encourage you to embrace it - not only for your own sanity and mental well-being, but also for the kids who are learning and growing instead of being funneled into a path that doesn’t allow for either of those.

Let’s keep talking. I want you to know there’s support for you to explore new options.

How quaint that feels now - looking back. In experiencing life - the one that you have no control over - it is rife with hills, valleys, peaks of happiness, and valleys of desperation. The joy and contentment is to find the ability to stay on the ride through it all. This is difficult for me. Somehow I have stumbled into a roller coaster metaphor (!), and these are quite possibly my least favorite place on earth. I can’t stand that feeling in your stomach as you go over the hill and barrel down into the valley. Quite honestly, I think it is the speed. It feels out of my control, without my consent, and as if I’m hurtling to a new place that is unknown, and that feels uncomfortable. So, how to find a way to simply “ride the wave?” I haven’t quite mastered it yet. And so interesting, as a writer, to find yourself compelled by imagery of what makes you uncomfortable as a vehicle to express the nascent emotions around evolving, growing, and reinvention, and finding out what’s new on the other side.

Do you identify with these feelings? Fear, uncertainty, maybe a tiny bit of a thrill, a glimmer of excitement, and a lot of curiosity around what will happen next. This happens in our work, in our parenting, in our extended families, in our communities, in our own personal growth. I think it might happen more than we realize, but we aren’t always equipped with the right tools or aren’t in the right mindset to know it is happening. We may feel the feelings, but we don’t know what to do with them. Often we dismiss them instead of listening to them, asking them why they are there, and using them as part of our development, our ongoing evolution.

For those of you who have had what felt like changes that were life-altering (having children, losing a job, moving towns, starting a new endeavor, just to name a few), these feelings are familiar. I think they are at the heart of reinvention. They are the source for pushing you futher into becoming more of who you are, and more often than not, they feel not welcome if we aren’t ready to receive them and follow their direction. A consideration here is how to embrace them and nurture them, how to allow them to take up space, how to simply “be” with them. They will tell you how to move forward, if you allow them.

Reinvention is not forced, it comes unbidden, taught to you, by yourself, by your years of learning and thinking, and a more evolved you results. Despite the hills of exciting anticipation and the terrifying valleys, simply staying on the ride and hearing what you have to say to yourself results in a more refined and erudite you. I, too, am still working through this process, but I’m grateful to have a community of those curious enough to continue to explore and consider.

I did what I usually do in these kinds of situations. I procrastinate with another task while I let it marinate in my subconscious. It pops up again and again in places where my brain is quiet and doing its own processing - walking the dog, taking a shower, loading the dishwasher, making the bed - the mundane tasks of life, but they are exactly the places I do my best thinking. It took me a long time to understand what was happening there, though. Calm, quiet, classical music - these are the building blocks of creativity for me. And, what I assume all writers know, it only comes when it is ready. The flow happens when your subconscious has something to say and is ready to let it out.

This is how I landed on the concept of meta - how best to write about curiosity and where thinking and learning comes together to do exactly that. Write about the process. Write what results from what the subconscious pieces together. Write about the thinking, the research, the asking of questions, the stumbling blocks, the stops and starts, the frustration, and the understanding that every obstacle is a place to learn from. A new place to learn and grow.

Hence - CultivateEd: Curious was born. Here is where I’ll share my thinking and observing of life - my flow, my thoughts, all with the hope that we’ll learn and grow together. Being inquisitive and reflective is an optimistic way to live your life, and it can bring you much joy - if you allow it. There’s so much to question in today’s life - let’s ask about it, reflect on it, learn on it, and join the journey of living a curious life - together.

Would you look at that? I just wrote my first post. All those years of waiting for the perfect words to come out. And here they are. I’m feeling a little nostalgic. And proud.

Welcome. I look forward to thinking and learning with you.